misplace item
2004-04-07
@ 8:44 p.m.
i feel like it's time to start making a concious effort to change myself. camoflauge the flaws, develop my skills, enhance my abilities. life hasn't been flowing at a smooth rhythm lately, and i feel it's due in part to my lack of participation in society. i want to divert from that. yet, i find this task difficult, especially when i despise people in general.
now, i know what you're thinking. this is part of that whole "teenage apathy thingy i hear so much about." well, it's not. it simply isn't. i've technically loathed people since the tender age of about 6 or 7. they simply don't interest me. i've never opted to hang out with large groups of socially inept droves. i tend to hover around small groups of intimate friends. people who i can trust. i have a huge "trust" issue. i have discovered, from experience, that's it's difficult to put your faith into large groups of individuals. my friends go through a rigirous training schedule before they're handed a certificate of faith.
in fact, sometimes large groups of people in an enclosed setting makes me uncomfortable. i'm not certain why that is. lately i've become very reclusive and high-strung. it's not like me. but yet it keeps growing and evolving into this black, ominous being.
now, this may just be me jumping to conclusions, but i may have inadvertedly sold my soul. that's just my guess. something's... gone. no enthusiasum for life or adult-related themed activities, no spark, simply just existing from day to day. i don't know what i could have sold it for, i hope it was for something flashy and/or tasty.
if anyone has seen a lost orb of spirtual being, please feel free to contact me.
